And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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