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just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So many bounce houses so little time
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Randomize
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