how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
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ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.