so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
