you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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