do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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