Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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