bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My first STD was from a foam party
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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