I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
