I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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