A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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