I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
