She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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