Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
