john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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