She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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