Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
