The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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