You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
