your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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