Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
