Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
