I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
