I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
