Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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