Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
