I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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