I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
sex in a hospital.. check
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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