Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
