Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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