Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
