it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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