My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
