I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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