The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
