Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
