We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We are all done wearing pants today
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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