ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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