update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
