Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Welp...herpes.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
