hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
