guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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