I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
