im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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