Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm too high and old for this...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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