i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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