He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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