just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
