i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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