I have demons in me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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