It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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