I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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