piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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