My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Randomize
