I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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