Ambien. No doubt about it.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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