Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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