the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
