The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Of course I have a pirate flag
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
