Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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