I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I love having hate sex.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The adults are the big ones right?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
