Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
