just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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