You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
