Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
