your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
